I am a lucky girl. If you haven't yet gathered from my blog, I have a lovely life. I LOVE my life.
But right now I am just so sad. Though I'm trying not to be. I just can't seem to help it. I smile, the tears come. I try to breathe, the tears come. Heck, I roll over in bed and the tears come. And it's not like I'm bawling. No, nothing as uncontrollable as that. It's just an endless stream of tears, that is felt with a very real pain in my chest. It almost takes my breath away.
Why? Well that's for me to know and truly not important. I mean, I still have all of the beauty that makes this lovely life. Nobody's hurt and nothing is really broken. But I guess it could be summed up by saying that like any person out there, I have some wishes, dreams and hopes that are all wrapped up in a nice little silken satchel that are labeled "fat chance" and stuffed under my mattress. Making it really easy to not even think about. But one of those little fuckers snuck out of that silky bag and pirhouetted around the room in front of me. Doing these dreamy leaps through the air and twirling all up in my face. And I did a really good job of ignoring it. And then for a minute I let myself think that this thing would happen. And as soon as I did that, it left as quickly as it came. And the chance is gone. And I have a hard time believing that there will ever be another moment like that one again.
And it just makes me sad. So sad.
But now I need to snap out of this. And figure out how to get back to the excitement that was there before it showed up. It's just that I was so ready...
3 comments:
Even without knowing what your situation is, I've been there too. Those same feelings, excitement, disappointment and that realizaion that getting back to reality is the only way. Writing out the feelings like this always helps me. Sending some hugs your way.
Dear girl..let me know if I can help. We have all been through those same feelings. Sending you love and comfort.
so I could not truely see through the tears in my eyes reading this. My heart breaks hearing that yours is so full of sadness:( I cannot sit here and think that my girl is in this much pain and I am not there to help, wipe the tears and hold you. we all, I think, have experienced this in our lives and only you can find the right words to admitt this kind of heartache, thats what makes you so special...to show all us girls what the truth behind that damn "fat chance" and no break means! I am so much hurting for you, but knowing you, this blog shows us all what kind of woman you are...Strong, yet sensitive....adventurious, yet a little clumsy...brave, yet sometimes like us all..fear the world itself! You are endless words to explain a woderful woman that everyone should know...cause she most of all ROCKS!!!
-Love Rae
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